How did I Get Here? Part 2

Last fall, I stood at the summit of Mt. Rogers and waited. The welcomed heat from the sun beaming on my face, slowly started to warm me. The coordinate plaque, marking the highest peak in Virginia, sparkled in the sunlight. And still, I waited. But, nothing.

Isn’t this, if any, the place that I’d hear from God?

The day before, I’d finished my first 20 mile day on the AT while on my first solo section hike on the trail. It rained all day, and by the end of it, I was looking forward to a dry spot in the shelter for the night. I was wet, tired, hungry, cold and did I mention wet? It was Labor Day weekend and being not too far from local parking, I’d prepared myself that Thomas Knob Shelter might be full of weekend get-awayers, like myself.

And it was.

I took a deep breath, turned around, and mentally prepared myself for setting up my tent in the cold rain. By the time I’d set up and hung my bear bag, I was mentally and physically too exhausted to eat. I went to bed that night with a sluggish “you did it, girl” fist raise and the determination that tomorrow when I climbed to the top of Virginia, I’d have definitive answers.

The next day, still waiting atop Mt. Rogers, I prayed. “God, what is your plan for me? I want what You want, but I don’t know what that is. Show me. I think I want to hike the length of this trail, but do You want that for me?”

I’d come to Virginia looking for answers. Could I be on the AT alone? Could I pull the big miles? Could I handle being wet and cold and tired? Would I be scared of strangers or bears or the unknown of what tomorrow would bring? Could I do this? Could I actually hike the length of the Appalachian Trail?

I got the answers to those questions on my 4 day trip.

Yes, I think I could do it and I wanted to do it.

But was I supposed to?

I didn’t hear God speak to me on that mountain or the days following as I continued my long weekend hike. When it came time to go home, I left sad, confused, and a little angry. I’d poured out my heart to God, asking for His Will for me, and nothing.

When I returned home, I got on my knees and prayed. “Lord, I don’t hear you telling me to go for this, so I won’t move until you guide me.” It broke my heart saying those words. To attempt a thru hike had been my biggest dream and I was letting it go. There was something else planned for me.

The next day, I returned to work. I had a heavy heart, I missed the simplicity of the trail and I longed for clear answers for my future. My apartment lease was up in a few months and I had to decide what to do.

Stay or move.

I’d hoped my trip would make this decision clear and I’d have a glorious revelation on top of that mountain. Not so much. I was more confused than ever.

On my way home from work, I stopped by the leasing office to discuss my options. I started in with my questions about my lease and the attendant abruptly stopped me. “Did you get your letter we left on your door today?” Slightly confused, I answered with a hesitant no. “Ya, we’re gonna need you to move out.” Now, increasingly confused, I listened as she explained that they were remodeling and wouldn’t be renewing my lease. After a blur of questions back and forth, I left the office, shocked. It didn’t hit me until I got to my car.

“Uggh…I have to move again. I just moved a year ago and now I have to move…again! Wait, I have to move? Lord, are you moving me right now?!?! Literally and figuratively?!?! Oh, You’re so Good! I didn’t even see that coming!”

I returned to my apartment, ecstatic. I didn’t know where I was going, but I knew God was leading me. I’d been looking for answers in a grand form from God on the top of mountains in the most picturesque way, but I learned that’s not always His style. It’s the simplicity of His ways that’s even more overwhelming to me. His direction and blessings come in the small things; in the things that seem inconvenient at the time. For me, direction came in the form of getting kicked out of my apartment.

Now that I’ve been on the AT for over a month, I’m passing back through the section where I was seeking so many answers. This time passing through, I was struggling with the snow; agony with every step. I felt my prayers were once again going unanswered. “God, why won’t you take this from me? Why do I have to suffer so much?”

Again, I didn’t get answers or relief from the pain, cold, wind and deep snow. But as I rounded the corner going into Thomas Knob Shelter, the trees opened up to a clearing and magnificent views. The song, ‘Masterpiece’ by Danny Gokey started playing from my playlist. While standing before God’s masterpiece of a view, I realized that I have to go through this hard time to become what God wants me to be-His Masterpiece. He’s tearing me all apart, pushing me, preparing me- for what? I’m not sure. To prepare me for the rest of the trail? For something down the road that will be just as hard? Time will tell, but I find comfort in knowing that this hardship and the struggles I’ve had in the past are creating His Good work in me and creating me to be who I’m truly meant to be.

This section of the trail now holds new meaning, but with the same ultimate lesson.

Trust. Patience. Faith. They all got me here.

When I think I know the plan that will get me to my hearts’ desire-Trusting His path is always so much better than anything I could ever come up with.

When I want to know the answers right now-Patience makes the results so much sweeter.

When I’m scared it will never work out-Faith that He already knows and has it worked out.

Sleeping in Thomas Knob Shelter this time around, I felt so thankful. Not because I was out of the wet and cold, but I’m here. Again.

He got me here.

Not me.

Not fate.

Not chance.

And not by way of clouds parting, trumpets sounding or deep resounding voices from above.

He heard my prayers and answered.

And here I am.