Katahdin: Found

Climbing higher and higher, the tears started to form, making it harder to place each step. I could finally see that sign off in the distance: The one I’ve imagined for years. The one I pictured during every tough late-night workout, thought about when I almost made an unnecessary purchase or paid off some debt. The one I talked about, prayed for, fixated on and repeatedly told myself I would conquer ‘someday’. The one that seemed so far away standing on Springer Mountain. Now, it was literally right in front of me.

Katahdin: Just a sign on a really high hill. With each of those tear-filled steps, the flashbacks of this journey came flooding in.

In my search for Katahdin, I found so many things. When I think about this journey, I won’t remember the 2,190.9 miles or the amount of days or months it took to do it. I’ll remember the indescribable views and mainly, the people and the times that we shared.

When I think of Katahdin, I’ll remember:

Hot Sauce’s drawings, eating lunch in the cold/snow/rain under a rock overhang, what can and cannot go through the Green Glass Door, his addiction to Mt. Dew, mad beats and ‘root, rock, root, root, curb’. CPU’s story time, watching him cook, failing at Dutch, learning about windmills, stump drums, rock/stick baseball, tulips and 88 locks of the Netherlands. I’ll remember pig calls with Squirrel, Snicker bars as currency and more talk about poop than I’ve ever had. I’ll think of eating way too much candy with Sweet Treats and a three mile run to McDonalds with Wild Hog. I’ll think of Hot Legs singing Johnny Cash and playing Bob Marley’s ‘Everything’s gonna be alright’ on a freezing morning when everyone needed a spirit boost. I’ll hear Dine ‘n’ Dash’s ukulele playin’, sarcasm, sass and deep, honest conversations. I’ll remember undeniably great dance moves, journal writing, the affects of fart bars and cowboy camping with Mumbles.

Yes, I’ll remember the views and all the beauty of the trail, but I’ll remember the experience of waking up to snow on Max Patch and booking it 20 something miles to town to get dried out. I’ll remember the stars from Mt. Cammerer Fire Tower and the equally bright lights from the town below. I’ll remember Overmountain Shelter when we were all separated along the trail, but somehow ended up at the same place. We scattered our belongings all over the grass and enjoyed the first warm reprieve from the snow in the sun together as a Tramily. I’ll think of Washington, D.C. Man, I’ve never laughed so hard. And the sadness I felt knowing the trail wouldn’t be the same after that. I’ll remember scrubbing dishes with Hungry Cat, Skutch and Apollo at Lake of the Clouds and heading out into the fog the next morning to summit Mt. Washington. I’ll remember daily challenges, the devil’s whisper from deflated sleeping pads, shopping in thrift shops and confessions at the Priest. I’ll remember ‘dance hitch hiking’, eating chips in the rain through Gettysburg and endless references to Lord of the Rings that I didn’t get. I’ll think of the best-worst movie series ever and somehow looking forward to that next Sharknado disaster because it was Just. So. Terrible. I’ll remember Macadamia nuts for days, barely surviving the Smokies and 3am wake up alarms to get to town. I’ll remember the Cloak and Dagger, learning about diddles and RTSTK. I’ll remember ‘Four Walls’, ‘Holy No’s’, and meeting a sleepy stranger in a bus station on the first day of my journey. I’ll remember Pizza Plus, pine cone soccer in the streets and Diarrhea Queens. I’ll miss snake hunting, long naps on the hillside, refreshing dips in numerous lakes, surprise waterfalls and pepper spray gone wrong. I’ll remember crammed hotel rooms, dirty-Gain laundry and getting help from Trail Angels, Trail Jesus and Carrie Underwood takin’ the wheel. I’ll remember the moonrise over the mountain at Nuclear Lake, the sunrise at McAfee Knob and seeing the Washington Monument lit up at night in D.C. I’ll remember chocolate spaghetti, Zen fines and damn dam crossings. I’ll remember Dirtbag Diaries, pounds of Skittles and Starbursts and handstand contests. I’ll remember building snowmen, sleeping in bathrooms and scoring condiment packets. I’ll think of porcupines gnawing on shelters, walking a mile out of the way for a sandwich at a deli and being sat in a different room at a restaurant just because I was a stanky hiker. I’ll remember asking ‘NoBo, SoBo, Flip-Flop, Section, Day, AT, LT?’. I’ll remember coffee, lots of it and waiting hours for hot dog stands to open. I’ll remember the excitement for state lines, hitting fart walls, talking to squirrels, super hero poses and aiming for 21 second urinations. I’ll remember the Zoom Zoom cinema, Disney music singin’ and making plans for The Dutch Oven Hostel. I can’t forget my first impressions from dining and dashing and headlight strobe parties in the shelter. I’ll hear the sound of Rivers and Hot Legs playing the guitar, the taste of Mexican food from a gas station, back-up dancing with Dine ‘n’ Dash, non-serious 100 mile marker photos and eating blueberries on mountain tops. I’ll remember raspberry pickin’, waterfall searchin’ and moose huntin’ at my HoME away from home. I’ll quote Thomas Jefferson from the privy walls, cringe at the thought of poop hands and hate myself for learning on the second to last day that I actually like SPAM. I’ll remember being told that “26 miles… that’s noooothin'”and the promise of a cookie tote.

I’m so sad and emotional that this adventure is over. These people and this whole journey mean so much to me that it brings tears to my eyes when I think about these strangers that I now call family. I seriously love you all and am so honored you allowed me to share in your journey. Each of you has added a memory and a smirk for those days when I’m missing the trail.

The miles, yes, I came so far, but the memories stretch even further in my mind. I wish I’d known while living them just how special they would be to me now. This journey has truly been the best time of my life, which is why it’s so hard to let it go. This trail is something mighty unique and extraordinary. It brings out the best, the worst and the defining. How can I let go of that so quickly?

I bet you’d expect me to say that in Finding Katahdin, I found myself. And I did learn so much about myself, but I found that the search for Katahdin is never-ending. All of my problems weren’t solved or my future plans revealed by walking this far. This journey to find Katahdin started with an endpoint in mind. But, really, this journey begins at the finish. I want to keep that same passion, fire and spirit I’ve had to keep me going. I want to carry it with me in every step, adventure and obstacle in my future. I never want to forget this pull towards a dream; this chase that’s been so fulfilling. I never want to stop searching for my next Katahdin. The metaphorical Katahdin should never be found. We should always be searching for that next big thing that seems unattainable, but molds us into these crazy unique individuals we are. We were made for so much more than mediocrity. Purpose? It’s never ending, ever changing, forming us and making us uncomfortable until we are His great Masterpiece we were made to be.

So, go.

Be strong.

Be confident.

Be stubborn.

Be fearless.

Be the exception.

Above all, have faith.

You were made for great, many things.

Start doing them.

Stop reading this blog. Stop talking about it. Get out there and write your own story.

You fail? Make an adjustment and try again. Keep. Heading. North.

Last November I thought if I took that first step, moved out of my apartment and moved towards my dream, I could be calling myself a thru hiker this November. It happened. What will you do today to change your next November?

Time is going to pass whether you want it to or not. Why not take a step in a new, unfamiliar, uncomfortable direction and see where it gets you?

Will you just chase after that stinkin’ dream already?!?

Feel that excitement from the ‘what if’ and push through that fear telling you that you can’t or shouldn’t or something is in your way. Use that fear to fuel you.

I’ve learned that wherever you find yourself the happiest, be there. Don’t hesitate for a second. Go there now. You don’t know where that place is? Start searching for it.

So whatever your dream is, do something right now that gets you closer to it. Learn about it. Pray about it. Pay more towards your debt. Practice it. Imagine it. Work towards it right now. Before you know it, a year, two years, 5 years, 10 years have passed and you’re ready. Before you know it, you’re standing on top of that dream victorious and you’ll think of all of those tiny steps and hard work you put in to get to that moment. It’s unlike anything you’ll ever experience.

Find. Your. Katahdin.

As I stared at that rickety wooden sign atop Katahdin, I did my best to remember every detail and every feeling so I’d never forget how this journey felt. Then, for the first time, turning my back on Katahdin, I walked away from her- leaving that dream now as a memory that I will treasure so deeply in my heart for the rest of my life.

What’s next? I have no idea. But, I know just as I started this uncertain journey in the fog back on a rock in Georgia, if I have faith in God’s plan and timing, great things can and will happen.